Still Here

 

    Did ya miss me? Just kidding, but it certainly has been a very long time since I've written here. It's been a while since I've written anywhere. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, I had no desire to write anything since I was last here. I'm sure I've mentioned before that I didn't see myself as a prolific writer. I started this because I felt called to do so. So why was it so easy to drop?

I can mostly blame the past three years. A pandemic, multitudes of deaths, and endless bad news are certainly enough to give anyone pause on writing peppy blog posts. Especially since I felt so low in those past years. We were all affected by everything that happened worldwide. I also had people close to me personally hit with sudden changes in their life. And I also went through a lot of changes in my life and circumstances. So much so that I couldn't think to write.

I didn't think it mattered. 

I didn't think I was much help before; the way I've felt post-2020, I didn't think I could be helpful now either. I feel like a part of me has been lost over the years. The part of me that would reach out to people no matter when it was or what was going on. The part of me that could be present with others in their suffering. I still care, I'm still empathetic. I just... don't feel like I can be there the way that I want to be. I feel like I can't handle grief and sadness well enough. If I can not do that for the people present in my life, how could I do that for you here? Maybe it's a little egotistical to think that I can be everything for everybody. That certainly is not what I'm going for here, I'm not God. I'm not omnipresent. I just want to show up well for others. 

And I think that's part of why I'm writing again.

Even if I don't think I'm doing that great, that doesn't mean I can't be an encouragement to someone. Even if I'm the only one to ever see this, it might even be a help to me.

So yeah, I'm still here. I'm writing again. And I hope that I can be a little light to someone going forward. I hope we're able to find some brighter days ahead together.