Nothing to Fear

            They say there's nothing to fear but fear itself, except I do have fears. Like the fear of dropping from tall heights and the fear of someone realizing that I don't know what I'm doing. One big fear that I have now is someone near me facing danger from someone that is supposed to protect us. Over a year ago there were back to back deadly shootings and both of the victims were black men. Shortly after that, there was a shooting at a Black Lives Matter rally, and this time the victims were police officers. When this all happened I was away from my family so I didn't really have a chance to talk through what I was thinking and feeling with those who could understand my fear, so I didn't dwell on it much. It wasn't until a close friend of mine who happened to be white texted me to express how he felt about the senselessness of the deaths and how heavy his heart was for those who suffered. It may seem weird to others that my white friend was telling me how he felt about these situations, but it was really helpful. It gave me the opportunity to process how I felt, and it gave me a chance to share the fears specific to me and others who look like me with someone who didn't. It was a short conversation, but a meaningful one.

After that conversation, I decided to share my feelings with other friends. They didn't ask but these are people I care about and who care about me. I thought it would be good to share my thoughts with them as well. I told them the same thing I told the first friend. I said that I was afraid, not just for myself but also for my brother and my cousins. I don't want something this tragic to happen to my family and the thought that there is a small possibility it could... terrifies me! I told them I was scared for the future or to have kids because I wouldn't want them to struggle with that fear. I shared that I didn't want these events to lead me to distrust the police. Police officers are here to serve and protect and I should be able to trust them. I believe that these events could have been avoided if the police had not profile those men. The police officers at the rally, who were there actually doing their jobs, didn't deserve to die either. The officer's lives were just as precious as the black men's lives. Hate was killing innocent people and it scared me. I couldn't express enough how very scared I was but I was also trying to be prayerful during this time. 

 Again my friends' responses were vast and comforting. "It's terrifying how common this has become… my heart goes out to those who fear." "There's so much confusion and hurt and longing for justice." "First two murders, then snipers?... I don't even want to think about losing you guys, or you guys having to be afraid of people that are supposedly there to protect you." "I wish I could protect you from all that is happening." These were some of the varied responses. They expressed their sympathy, their anger at the violence, their confusion as to why it happened and other thoughts. Whether they were empathetic or angered they all said the same thing along with their thoughts, and that was "I love you." Not gonna lie I cried at the responses. It's always nice to hear what your friends are thinking and to know how much support they have for you. It's important to me to know these friends also have sympathy for you and those who look like you that are also struggling with these fears. Having that community of friends to speak to, even though they didn't know the fear like I did, made me feel better. They also reminded me who would really dispel my fears, and that's God. God grieves over these deaths more than anyone. We are His children, He loves us and calls us to love each other. One of my friends gave me a bible verse to read during this time, 1 John 4:7-21. The first part I know very well from Sunday school; to be children of God we need to love one another, and whoever does love others cannot be said to know God. But verses 18-20 are the ones that stuck with me, "18 there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister whom they have seen, they cannot love God, whom they have not seen." 

Verse eighteen was very comforting to me. As a Christian, I have God's perfect love and in His love, my fear is cast out. What a relief that is. The remaining verses just made me think of how we should respond to the chaos of this world. Both Christians and non-Christians have taken up sides on the matter of black deaths at police hands. The way the world sees it, you are either for black people or for the police. You can cast blame on the opposing party and know that the side you support is wrongly criminalized by opposing sympathizers. But that isn't the love talked about in 1 John.  How can we claim to love God, who we don't see, when we can't show love to those who are right in front of us. No one deserves to have their life devalued for the color of their skin or the occupation they chose. As Christians, we should mourn with those who have lost someone and love the community that is fearful. As Christians, we should love and support those in authority as well. If we speak in hate for one side or the other, we are not reflecting the love of God. These incidents shouldn't be ignored, but change comes from reform on both sides, and reform comes from expressing Godly love. I refuse to be fearful when I know I have the perfect love of God comforting me. I refuse to be angry at the police, the deaths of those men were unjust, but hate will only bring more death. We need to love, even if that seems impossible. The problems will not go away immediately, unfortunately; this is years of damage that needs to be combatted. Even still, we need to try. We need to love. We have nothing to fear.