Help Me I Don't Know What I'm Doing

Help Me I Don’t Know What I’m Doing

            The other day at work, I had to complete a test run by myself. Typically, someone would be running the test while I observed, but I was flying solo today. Some of my coworkers joked with me about seeing if paid attention or that I'll probably blow something up. I knew they were joking, and I laughed with them, but it made me more determined to succeed on my own. Five minutes later I started setting up the test, an hour and forty-five minutes later, I managed to set up test one of four... I would've finished sooner if I didn't hesitate to ask for help. It was for little things, so I was kind of embarrassed to say I needed help. When I finally got over my pride and asked, no one made fun of me (much) and they explained what I needed to know. The last three tests took me twenty minutes to set up now that I knew what to do. At lunch one of my coworkers that gave me the most crap told he was proud of me (and glad I didn't blow anything up) and that made me feel really good! It took me two hours to get out of my own way and get help, which is pretty good considering it took me almost ten years to realize that asking for help is okay.

            When I was younger, I was a strong independent woman who didn't need no help! I could do my own homework, I knew how to make pancakes, and was pretty much ready to take life by the horns! Then I hit high school and things got more challenging. Academically, I had a hard time understanding everything in my classes. However, up to that point, I've been known as a pretty smart person, and smart people never seemed to ask for help and I wasn't about to start that now! So for two years, I made school harder than it needed to be by trying to do it mostly on my own. My dad kept telling me to get into a study group or talk to my teachers after class, but I didn't listen. I figured I would get it eventually, there's no need to go to others, I can handle this myself. That pride and self-sufficiency were shattered when I got my first F; it might've been a C…but, either way, I was shocked. How could this happen? How could I even begin to fix it? Well, there was this voice that kept telling me to ask for help…maybe talk to a teacher… Eventually, I did let go of my pride and excessive independence to get the help that I needed. And wouldn't you know it, I did so much better and school was less complicated! I knew that there was something I was missing, but I wouldn't allow myself to reach out and get it from somewhere or someone else because I put too much faith in my limited abilities and worried what people would think of me. It turned out that I did a lot better when other worked along with me and people were still proud of me and impressed by my smarts.

            Though the struggle of getting help for school has passed for me, I still have a hard time getting the help that I need. I feel like a lot of problems I should be able to handle on my own. If I could just think about it longer, work a little harder, or look at it a different way, I can solve my problems on my own. It may be a pride thing, trying to be independent of others, but I also feel like asking for help would burden people or distract them from their own things. I don't want to stop someone else from working, to help me with my work. I don't want to ask for advice from somebody when I don't know what they are going through. This thought process carries into my relationship with God as well. I know there are certain things personally and spiritually that I can't handle on my own. Still, I hesitate to go to the Lord in prayer because I think, well is it really that bad that I can't figure this out myself? I mean there are people who need help with much bigger things than my problems, better not bother the Lord of the Earth with this. It took me a long time to learn, but IT'S OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP! No one is going to think less of you or be offended that you asked. They will more than likely help you, and you will be better for it. And as far as asking help from God, Psalm 121:2 sums that up very well. "My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." All help comes from Him, it doesn't matter what you're asking help for. He will hear you, and in His perfect timing, He will answer you. Unless you want to make your work and daily life much harder, try asking for help, From God and from others. There is no shame in it and it will help you in the long run. I guess my dad was right about asking for help.