Failure

            After going to church for the majority of my life, there are two things that I’ve become accustomed to. First is sermon series and the recent elaborations and theatrics with them. The second one is altar call time. I don’t think that either of these things is a problem, I actually think they are both important for churches to do. However, sometimes it’s easy for me to not think too much about a series and just pick and choose parts that sound prevalent to me. As far as alter calls go, they usually focus on calling forth people to be saved, and I already have that box checked. Also, whenever they do “general” altar calls, I feel like whatever they want me to pray about up there, I can pray about right at my seat. This was my mindset when I went into church two weeks ago. The sermon was called “The Fight” subtitled “Professionals vs. Amateurs”, which I entered into thinking “wow this is going to be dramatic.” However, I have been getting into the habit of taking notes, so I was going to pay attention and hope I get something out of it. Well, I can definitely say I was not ready for what I got out of it.

            The last point of the pastor’s sermon “Professionals rise after a failure, amateurs stall,” hit me hard. There have been several things in my life that I have held onto that have made me feel like a failure as a Christian. I didn’t behave the way a “good Christian” should’ve in that particular situation. I didn’t say the right “Godly” thing. I failed in sharing the gospel with this person. I probably pushed that person farther from God. I could keep going, but the point is that in my mind I have definitely let God down sometimes. These thoughts and feelings have kept me from doing things I felt called to do, or even take opportunities presented to me. I’m afraid that I might not succeed the way I need to or that I’ll mess up somehow. Even things I know I should be doing, like this blog, I have stalled on. I worried that it might be in vain or it might not really matter. I’ve burdened myself with this for a while, but this sermon was a reminder from God. “You can’t save anyone, only I can. You can’t fail me, but I want you to do the work I gave you. I forgave you for the times you ‘failed’ and have let them go, why can’t you do the same?”

            After that last point, the pastor called up anyone that needed to let go of something and take that step towards “being a professional Christian.” I mentioned before I usually pray these things at my seat since I have a relationship with God I don’t always feel like I need to make a show of it. I almost did this again, until I heard God say “Go!” Hearing such clear directions don’t come often for me, but I decided to go ahead and go up. Now I’m at the altar and someone is holding my shoulder and praying for me. I couldn’t really hear them so I started to pray myself. I told God I was going to let go. I was going to stop condemning myself for what He forgave me for and stop letting those things hold me back from doing what HE has called me to do. It was such a release to declare this to Him. I started crying, but it felt like a lot of weight was washing away. I know with my personality, I'm not going to immediately forget these things. However, I will keep reminding myself that I am not a failure. I can grow and move forward. God still can use me and has plenty of things for me to do. I’m ready to work towards doing more.