Rededication

Rededication

            There are two things that will never change about the New Year. One is everyone making resolutions or an announcement of what they will change in their life. The other thing is the inevitable failure of reaching the high bar that they've set for themselves. This isn’t wrong, I think it is great that everyone is striving to improve themselves.  I too have made some resolutions in the past. I’ve haven't succeeded but it’s the thought that counts right? Anyway, last year was no different than any other. As the year came to a close I took a look back at what 2018 looked like for me and what I would like to do differently for 2019. I came up with a mixture of typical resolutions and some that were a bit different. Yes, I know it’s February, but January is like a trial month for resolutions.

            My first resolution was to lose weight, as is most people's resolution. Next was to set up a nighttime routine; wash my face, make sure I put my scarf over my head, etc. This was to start good habits and make sure I didn’t pass out on my bed as soon as I saw it. Others resolutions included reading more, making time for hobbies, writing, etc. This first set of resolutions seemed good to me. My next set of resolutions came at the last minute and had some questionable motives. One was to stop giving out advice, especially to certain family members that never listened anyway. Another one was to cut A LOT of people out of my life. The last one was to stop dating and close my circle of friends. In all honesty, I thought these last few “resolutions” were going to be good for me; I would be less stressed out and would deal with less drama. However, after New Year began, I had to revisit the reasons behind these changes and what they meant.

            I thought banishing people from my life would be good self-care. Honestly, the resolution came from a place of pettiness and pain. There were a lot of times this year I felt alone. I am far away from close friends and having a hard time making new ones. The biggest problem with long-distance is trying to stay in touch, and I felt like I was doing most o the reaching out in these relationships. I want more balanced relationships but I also don’t want to throw away the quality relationships I’ve made so far. This is tricky. It is okay to let go of people that aren’t adding anything to your life or that you lost touch with. However, it is also important to not to neglect friends because they don't text you back immediately. At the end of the day, I need others in my life and keeping those friendships is worth it. My second “resolution” was to stop giving advice out, especially to my family. I felt like anything I said to someone would go in one ear and out the other. Which was especially frustrating when someone asked for advice. I thought there was no point in wasting my breath if no one even listened. But I’m not giving advice out to get praise for it, it's because I want to help. I also can’t force my thought and opinions down someone’s throat. It's going to take some time for this to really stick with me. I still need to be open to helping others, even if they don’t respond the way I think they should.

            It’s always hard to keep up with resolutions, but we should always look to improve. I am hoping even though the year is well on its way, I keep improving. I will rededicate myself to the goals I’ve set, even when I slip up. I will try not to get discouraged when things don’t go my way. And in the moments when I don’t have the strength to continue, I will lean on God and those around me to help me out. Here’s to 2019!